Boundary Setting is the Foundation of Civilization and Individual Success

Please note that we are NOT the original writers of this blog post. All credit goes to the original writers. Find the original post as published at this link: http://mdpofsd.blogspot.com/2014/06/boundary-setting-is-foundation-of.html

Societies that effectively use Boundary Setting make progress and advance civilization (think of Rome). Individuals that utilize effective Boundary Setting in their private and public relationships reside secure and productive lives. The ones that are unable to efficiently set boundaries endure lives of insecurity and constant threat of victimization.

Boundary Setting is fundamental to human development and sadly most individuals are unaware of how it functions. In fact, when asked about Boundary Setting the most frequent response is that it”has something to do with personal space”, but this is about as heavy as it gets.

Boundary Setting is based on the three inter-related concepts of Respect, Communication, and Enforcement. Boundary Setting starts with the establishment of rules. Rules are basically laws and regulations that govern and outline acceptable human behaviour. Boundaries are Rules. They can also pertain to the person in the form of their view of acceptable personal behavior. In actuality, every entity and organization in society has its own set of Rules that limit and control behaviors. Without these Rules, there is no order. There’s confusion. There are misunderstandings and more. Progress is stymied.

It is not enough for the principles to be created. The rules must be communicated to everyone in society. In terms of the person, the rules must be clear to people who interact with them. Clear communication of the principles is a vital part of successful Boundary Setting. The rules have to be clearly communicated in order to avoid violations which are caused by a misunderstanding of the rules.

Once the rules are understood, willful violations are the result of a lack of respect for the rules. Following the rules is a sign of Respect for the rules. Violations signify disrespect for the rules. Civilized societies are based on nearly all people having respect for those rules. Respect for the rules can be defined as the Public Trust, once the members of society have faith and trust in the social institutions and government. When a personal boundary of a person is violated, if that border was clearly communicated, the breach is a indication of lack of respect for the individual and their boundaries.

A willful violation of these rules must be meet with proper Enforcement of the rules. Enforcement is designed to make Respect for the rules. Enforcement must be Just-Right to be able to create Respect. When the principles are Under-Enforced, the end result is contempt for the rules. Under-Enforcement is an action which is not enough (too little) to make Respect for the rules. Societies that create laws but don’t enforce them create contempt. Contempt is a destroyer of Respect.

When violations of the rules are satisfied with Over-Enforcement, a Backlash against the rules is created. Over-Enforcement is a response that’s too harsh (or perceived to be) in connection with the violation. When governments over-enforce the principles, they risk inciting a rebellion. When folks over-enforce their borders they risk escalating the situation.

Clear Communication helps reduce the risk of Over-Enforcement. If someone violates the rules because of misunderstanding of the rules, it is likely that he or she’ll view most enforcement responses as too harsh. This is usually seen in terms of violations of personal boundaries (distance ) that were not regarded as a violation by the violator. But were viewed as an intentional violation by violated. Their response to any type of enforcement is too assert a lack of understanding instead of a deliberate lack of respect for the rules. This ploy is highly successful against individuals that don’t clearly convey their boundaries.

It’s only when the enforcement response is Just-Right or perceived to be appropriate for the violation that Respect will be created. This is the logical about creating”respect for the rule of law” through the use of the court system. A punishment, fine, or a consequence is a form of enforcement.

Boundary Setting is a continual process. It can be performed before, during, or following a violation. Prior to a breach, Boundary Setting is a form of avoidance. During a breach, Boundary Setting is a kind of intervention. The Use of Force as a means to limit and control unwanted behavior is Boundary Setting. Responding to a violation after is has occurred is also Boundary Setting. In cases like this, the Boundary Setting is typically some sort of punishment for the breach.

Boundary Setting relies upon the inter-action of Respect, Communication, and Enforcement to create secure boundaries by restricting and controlling behavior. Boundaries are the rules of behavior. Boundary Setting is both communication and enforcing these rules. Secure boundaries enable individuals and societies to systemically create environments of respect and also to reduce violations. Respectful environments are essential for increasing development, creativity, trust, and individual progress.