The surprising truth about voice and tone in self-defense
Please note that we are NOT the original writers of this blog post. All credit goes to the original writers. Find the original post as published at this link: http://invictaselfdefense.blogspot.com/2013/06/the-surprising-truth-about-voice-and.html
Vocal tonality is pretty Significant.
In fact, it’s really significant, especially when it comes to a self-defense circumstance. Many women encounter issues due to their tone of voice doesn’t match the words they are using, and frequently this is because they fear coming off as being rude, or being a bitch. We’ve been socialized for a very long time to be considerate, and don’t get me wrong, being polite makes the world a much better place, but sometimes it’s really important that you’re firm in what you say and how you say it (particularly when you feel as if the situation that you find yourself is making you uncomfortable).
By way of instance, if you’re out on a date with a guy and he begins getting handsy and you aren’t
really into it, women will say”stop”, but with a vocal tone that doesn’t match their wishes. If you say”stop” but your voice goes up in the end, this is called”Hunting Rapport”, which is confusing for the man. Even though you are telling him to stop, your tone is telling him that either a) this is still open for conversation and you only need a bit more convincing, or b) he will think that you’re being playful. It is absolutely imperative that you’re clear in what you say and how you say it – your tone and words must match in order for him to really understand your own dreams. That makes sense once we understand that 93% of our communication is non-verbal, and only a measly 7% of our communication is all about the words that we actually say. Of that 93%, only 55% of it is body language – the other 38% is the tone of your voice.
Let us look at three different types of vocal tone:
1. This tone of voice communicates that not only do you mean business, but you are showing that you don’t want what they are offering and are communication that clearly. Say”stop” aloud, curving your voice downward as you finish the word. Individuals who train dogs do the same – dogs don’t understand what you are saying, but they do understand your pitch. Speak from your chest (not your neck ) when you mean business; it’s much more commanding, and you will fill your social space with your intent (which, in this case, is for him to keep his hands to himself). Monotone – We’ve all had that teacher or professor who droned on in a monotone voice. A monotone pitch communicates disinterest – this is not the pitch that we are looking for in self-defense. Stay”prevent” aloud in a monotone voice – it sounds as if you’re bored, not that you are actively trying him to stop what he is doing. Hunting Rapport – this is where your pitch pops up at the end. Generally, this conveys fun, playfulness, or that you need something from another person. Neutral Tonality – “Neutral tonality is the ideal tonality to have. Neutral tonality fluctuates between breaking rapport, and seeking rapport. Neutral tonality is best communicated with a strong voice, speaking from the torso. Neutral is the best of all worlds. Neutral communicates that you’re emotionally stable.” (1)
When you are in a self-defense situation, remember to be apparent in both tone and words. Don’t try to sweeten what you are saying by having a cute or lively voice or a bit of a grin – mean what you mean, and say it the way you mean it. Don’t be concerned with coming off poorly because, in all honesty, if this man is getting handsy and is being a jerk, then do not worry about what he thinks of you. Your safety is always the main thing!
Works Cited:
“Become the Intelligent Conversationalist”, Kingpin Social, http://kingpinlifestyle.com/become-the-intelligent-conversationalist/